List #22 The worst advice you’ve gotten.

Okay I asked my friends on Tumblr what I should write next and Kris suggested # 22, so here goes.

The worst advice you’ve gotten.

There are two recurring examples where advice that I have been given, that I have followed, that in hindsight I regret a little, but to be honest I will probably follow this advice again in future should a similar situation occur, it is more a personality fault than my inability to recognise bad advice.

#1 – Work at a relationship, if it matters to you, do everything you can to make it work.

This is sound advice at the start, during and throughout a healthy relationship, whether it be with a lover or a friend, however it is terrible advice when the end is nigh, when the metaphorical writing is on the wall, when the relationship has broken down for one party and you (or me in this case) are still trying to do what is right, doing whatever you think is required to make the relationship work.

It has happened to me again and again, not that I am some sort of terrible lonely loser, the last time was about four years or so ago and it hadn’t happened for some 18 years prior to that but it had happened before that and before that also. Allow me to attempt an explanation:

Writing on the Wall

I am a loyal friend/partner, if I have decided you are my friend/lover then that is how it stays and I will work hard to make sure that continues. I am not saying that I am a pushover or that I allow people to walk all over me, in fact, I am the opposite. I am not saying that I am a model partner, lover or friend either, I am far from that but the one thing I am, is loyal. Now that I reflect and analyse this, maybe it is the only way for someone to get away from me, for whatever their reasons may be. Almost every relationship I have ever had that does not continue today is because the other party has pushed me away completely. Cheated on me, had an affair, told terrible lies about me, been mean and malicious either about me and/or to my other friends or to my family, that has forced me to say, that’s it, no more, we are through!

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and looking back I always think, the signs were there, why did I try and try again to do what was right and proper, to make things better if I could, to fix the problem? When in reality, it was over, it may not have been over for very long, a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a month or two, but I always try to resolve the issue before I walk away. As I said, I will probably do it again should such an occurrence be present in my life again. Ho hum, I think it makes me a better person in the long run*, but by golly it feels shitty at the time.

#2 – A captain never leaves his sinking ship.

This is very similar to the issue above, my loyalty has meant that on more than one occasion during my career, the writing has been on the wall for a business I work at or for and I have stayed at my post.

I have been fortunate enough to always be in a position of responsibility, if not the boss of the company, the boss of a team or a department, but there have been times when I have lost out, lost money; dignity and pride have been affected, income and the darkness of my hair have been lightened, just because I am compelled to do the right thing,  it is my responsibility, my duty, to be there until the bitter end. I can not jump ship, I can not even take the time to look for an alternative position of employment, because I am totally focused on doing what is right for the job.

The best things in life aren’t things

Virtually every job I have had I have gotten because I have been head-hunted or an opportunity is offered and I have taken it. I have never looked for a job because I didn’t want to deal with the problems at my current employment. Even then I have felt guilty about leaving. I visit the places I have worked at before, I have even volunteered my time free of charge to assist after I have left. I don’t know why, I guess it is because it makes me feel better about myself. I don’t know, this self-analysis is starting to make me question my past actions too much.

Put it this way if I am on your team, I’ve got your back!

Be a team player, it diffuses the blame!

*ironically almost everyone that has been in that position has tried to get back in my life at some point in the future but unfortunately it is very hard for someone to prove to me they are worth the effort a second time round.

I’m following a couple of brilliant bloggers (Lori at She’s Awake & Chrissa at A Little Wicked) who are undertaking a blog challenge to write 50 lists that will lift your spirits. I love lists, I like having something to blog about and I love them, so I’ve decided to join in (whether they like it or not).

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About X-Wide P

Award winning advocate for art, heritage & culture; fine artist, museum & gallery manager and mild mannered front man of Relevant Elephant, finest purveyors of rock-steady hip-hop mambo
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