I have a number of types of anger that I have different methods to calm myself down from, some which work better than others. I have been described (by myself and others) as being calm and subdued on the outside with a raging tiger on the inside, sometimes, rarely (I hope) the raging tiger comes to the surface, I am not proud and I would very much like to keep the beast locked up inside but occasionally the actions of others or my inaction make me rage rather (pathetic really) uncontrollably. I become an insufferable mardy bum! These are the most common reasons and my strategies for dealing with them.
When something goes missing: This drives me mad. “Someone has moved my ……!” I’ll say, then as time passes and the thing I am looking for (almost always misplaced by myself) is not in the place where I usually put it, I become even more irritated and irrational. By the time I am roaring “this is ridiculous, why would anyone move my …..?”, I am almost ready to burst, it genuinely irks me to a level like nothing else does. I will have accused everyone within earshot of conspiring to move things just to mess with my mind, I will have to then eat humble pie as I find the object I am searching for and realise that it was indeed I that put it there, for reasons unknown my brain chose to forget. Hmmmm makes me wonder what it has against me, stupid brain.
I try, as often as I can when this happens, to calmly sit down and think through my movements and try to remember what I did differently from the norm as it is invariably located there.
When people don’t do what they were asked/told: Hmmmm depends on their position. At work, it is a regular occurrence, I am not saying that I don’t have control or the respect of my team but it is human nature, the size and complexity of people’s workloads means that things slip or are pushed down the priority order.
My strategy for dealing with that is to set them SMART* targets and review them regularly, particularly as the deadline for completion nears, so that any issues, excuses can be sorted and overcome.
If it is my family, or my children I am more relaxed, unless there is a level of cheekyness or lack of respect in the delivery of the reason as for why something hasn’t been done. If I have to fight my corner for something to be completed as requested, I stand my ground and continue to harass the individual until the role is completed, privileges are not removed but they are withheld. This doesn’t always work, I have to add, sometimes you just have to let teenagers be teenagery.
When I’m Hangry: This is a difficult one as I tend not to notice and it can happen up to three times a day!! But those around me do. Quite simply I become nasty, easily irritated and ready to bite back at anyone and anything, just because I am hungry. This is simply resolved by having something to eat, but I wish there was another way my body could let me know that I was getting hungry enough to harm an innocent (but irritating) bystander!
I try to eat small freshly prepared meals often, I tend not to snack as that causes me to be hungry more often.
When I have been betrayed/genuinely insulted: This happens rarely but probably more often than I would like or expect. I am very loyal so I tend to be surprised, shocked and unable to comprehend why someone would be that way but they are. When I say insulted I don’t mean name calling, that doesn’t offend me at all, I think it exposes the flaws in the individual that is calling me names rather than upsets me, but when someone does or acts in a way that appalls me or is at genuine odds with my ideals or views of the world, when people are being racist, sexist or mean to those less fortunate than themselves, when people allow their ignorance to come to the fore without finding out more about the subject of their ignorance. That does get to me.
My strategy for dealing with all of the above is to cut you out of my life, if that isn’t possible, then I will remain polite and civil but you will not be engaged by an open version of me, I will be closed and distant, forever more. However my favourite form of revenge, retribution if you’d like is to be so pleasant and happy when I see them (have to engage with them) that they wonder why we are no longer friends/lovers/work colleagues, however once that brief moment of pleasantries is over they remain cut from my life and I hardly ever think about them again, they are genuinely lost to me.
When I am stressed/overworked/running out of time: I tend not to be too concerned about timing (ask any of my friends or work colleagues) but occasionally if it is really important to be somewhere on time and I am running late, I am intolerably irritated and irrational. Strangely enough this is often coupled with me misplacing an item (see When something goes missing: above) which can tip me over the edge.
My strategy for dealing with this is to be apologetic and genuinely sorry to all those who got in my path for the duration of my rant. I maybe ought to plan better but I have so many things going on in my life, I do too much, too much of what I want to do and then something I have to do has to be fitted in too. I should maybe drop some of my activities, maybe not put in so many hours at work, not care so much about whatever it is I am doing, stop trying to do everything perfectly! I know I don’t do everything perfectly but I do try.
I’ll have to work on this one (in fact I’ll have to continue to work on all of them) but one common factor that runs through them all is that music can change my mood, I listen to a lot of music and that is what I use to calm me down generally but it also often features in my strategies for coping with all of the above.
I’m following a couple of brilliant bloggers (Lori at She’s Awake & Chrissa at A Little Wicked) who are undertaking a blog challenge to write 50 lists that will lift your spirits. I love lists, I like having something to blog about and I love them, so I’ve decided to join in.
*SMART = Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time scaled.